I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
