Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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