Barsexuality is the new black.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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