Sponge bath it is.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish you could order shots online.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
