at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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