My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We left the knife in your bed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
