There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize