I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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