And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
