Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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