the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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