i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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