Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
