Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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