We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its liver damage thursday
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
