No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
