A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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