I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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