I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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