I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
