Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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