I have demons in me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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