My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
