Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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