im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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