I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
