I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
