i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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