The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
