you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize