college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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