god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
