He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
