your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
