i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You're like the curious george of whores
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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