you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
