he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
