I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
