A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
