He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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