I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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