i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
not ubering you a puppy
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
