I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
