In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
