a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
