recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
