"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Still dying that you shit outside
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
