i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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