he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
