every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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