Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
