I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
