but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
