Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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