how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
