haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
