Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
