I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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