i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
