Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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