Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I touched a dick in church today
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
