You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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