It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
