you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
