You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
