Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You are the jesus of drinking
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
