I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
