Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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