the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize