if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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