I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
