apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
